Life and Career Skills

To say “no” is painful, but much better than a “yes” that brings regrets says Paulo Coelho, author of the best selling book The Alchemist.

It happens many times in our life, when some one expects you to do something, which you are not comfortable with, but you agree to it to avoid confrontation or hurt their feelings. Sometimes it is out of love and some times it is out of fear. For instance at your work, your colleague asked you to do some work for him as he had to attend something really important. You obliged feeling that you should help your friend in need. For once it is ok, but when he keeps asking more from you, things start to get sour. You want to stop but you can't, thinking you might hurt his feelings. At one point you will not be able to take it and probably explode and you'd just loose a friend. If this happens to you more than often then you are seriously in need to change your “yes” to a “no”.

It is obvious that saying no sounds selfish, but think about the big picture. You have your limitations beyond which you cannot sacrifice more than you can afford. The fact is that if you are not happy you cannot please any one else either. It is possible that you might end up getting frustrated and later you pour it on some one who is innocent. Helping some one should be done with acceptance of your heart not with a feeling of obligation.

What should be done to say no without making somebody feel bad? First you start with accessing your situation. If you are able to say yes, and you really want to do the task that you have been asked for, then say yes. It should be your first option. But if you are not comfortable with the situation and will not be able to complete the task due to any reason then you must say no. You should also consider the long term effects of your decision. Check if there are any impediments that you cannot handle, or the benefits that you might loose. If your objectives are clear than you will be able to say yes or no with confidence.

Saying “no” is definitely the hardest thing to do, but there are ways to settle it without hurting anyone. To say “no” choose the right timing. You must wait for the person to be in a good mood for him to accept your “no”. Choose the right words and sentences. Try to say positive sentences first and then negative sentences, use comforting words. If there are alternative solutions available for the problem, say that first. Positive sentences makes a person more receptive and prepares the mind to take in the bad news. Be suggestive rather than being forceful. Say sentences that helps the person make the right decision, but in your favor. This will certainly help you to say “no” without hurting anyone.

But there are times when your “no” has to be firm and direct. You should not be a pushover. If you are in a situation where you know that you are being fooled and taken advantage of, you should firmly deny doing that task. There should be no regrets in doing right thing. Sometimes it might just not be your fault.

Access the situation carefully, think about alternate solutions, choose the right words and be positive. If you are sure in your heart and clear in your mind, you will not have any problem saying “yes” or “no”.